My blood remains green...

And life carries on...

Stupid f*ck wank has been handed in. Whether I will be receiving a "competent" vote, will remain to be seen. At the end, I didn't even consider my answers, and I didn't overthink them, so... Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get there - in a month's time.

Other than that, I was quite despondent yesterday morning after the Boks' exit at the World Cup. I'm not going to go into it too deeply, I'm no rugby "kenner", but, when a ref makes that many mistakes, shouldn't the line judges point out a few? At the end of the day though, despite the "experience" of our team and the majority of possession and territory, the simple fact of the matter is, we could not get over the try line.

What makes it all the sadder, is that, Sunday morning, I was at the hallowed grounds of Newlands to watch it.  A very good friend of mine won tickets to Bok Town. Essentially, you could pitch your tent on the pitch (hahahaha), sleep over after consuming much alcohol and as many Spur burgers as you could stomach. The Not-so-ex and I arrived around 16:30 on Saturday afternoon, pitched The Monster's tent (without too much trouble) and then proceeded to buy an SA wig, a jersey for me, and double brandy and cokes - as you do.
We even had our photo taken with Bokkie! Crouching! All very festive.

I do, however, now hate blow up mattresses. Seriously, they are k*k! Sunday morning saw me queue for 20 minutes to get a cuppa joe and some tea for the Not-so-ex, during which time, the Not-so-ex packed up everything, bless him. He had to rush off to work after the game.

So, the game is on, my heart is pounding, I'm shouting loud enough that our Boys can hear me in New Zealand, I'm wearing my wig and my top, EVERYTHING... and they're not scoring. I don't think I've ever smoked as many cigarettes at one game as Sunday morning.

And then... the heartbreaking result. We're out. At first there was complete disbelief, almost like I expected the referee (who I do hope has indigestion until next year) to say, nah, boys, there's five more minutes. The grounds were quiet, the other bok supporters on this night out hardly even spoke to each other. They just made their way to the gates, with their camping gear, completely dispondent. I had to wipe away a few tears, myself. The Not-so-ex completely understood, though, England was knocked out the day before, although he doesn't get quite as emotional as I.

After getting home, it took me a further 20 minutes, and then I accepted it.

Its funny, this patriotic thing. On Friday night we went for sundowners in Campsbay with the Not-so-ex, one of his neighbours and the long-lost-sister. Afterwards we went back to our house for a braai. Both neighbours asked the long-lost-sister which team she supports - she has English and Australian citizenship, and they could not understand or accept her answer of, "I really don't know". Of course, I don't understand it at all, but then, my blood is green and I was raised on braaivleis, sunshine and rugby, so what I can understand, is someone else not really caring if their country's rugby team win or not.

Its still sad, though. Hell, it would have been nice to be the first country to retain that trophy. And I'm pretty sure Danie Rossouw is not so popular even with himself right now.

On a more positive note, though, last night we slept on our new foam mattress for the first time and I slept like a log! Was fantastic. (Although, being all hayfevered up could have helped with the sleeping).

And that's that, for now. Tune in soon - I'm gonna try and do these more often now.

Its about time...

I am actually feeling guilty today about my lack of blogging.
I'm not even gonna give you the reasons, although they're plentiful.
Truth is, I've had absolutely nothing good to say recently.

I've been struck by watching a few post-apocolyptic movies and a few zombie ones and in-between the nightmares they have given me, I have yet again realised what a sad, pathetic species we are. Although these were only movies, they induced thoughts that I'm sure have always simmered somewhere, quietly, in my soul, but now they erupted, in a diluge.

As I said to my beloved Monster, during our two hour debate on all the evils in the world one night, we (him and I, and collectively the human race) are stuck in this circle (of the debate) as even I, who really feel these things in my soul, don't have the answers.

Oh, I have many, MANY opinions on what should be done, but they will still only treat a symptom, not the actual problem.

So you ask - what are the problems?

The absolute lack of respect people have for one another, for the belongings of another, for the environment, for animals... the list carries on. Now, you might say, that's only a small part of the population. NO!!! Think about every driver on our roads - people cutting in, not letting other road users in ahead of them (when they need to cross a busy street!), etc.

As an example, take the stupid f*ck wank - yes, it is NOT yet done. Six weeks ago, I phoned the Estate Agency Affairs Board - I need an original certificate for the board exam I wrote in 2007. Dutifully, I fax them a letter with the address, my proof of payment, etc. The next three weeks, I phone every two days to follow up, leaving messages for one "Molly" to confirm if she received my fax. It has been six weeks, I have yet to receive that phone call. I would jot that down as a complete lack of respect - I leave you several messages, but you do not think I am important enough to phone back. In the mean time, I finally find out that they originally gave me the incorrect fax number, another three weeks later (having e-mailed them the original fax and proof of payment) I am hoping to recieve my certificate in two weeks time.

The recent rhino stories break my heart, and I don't even want to go into it.

Actually, I don't want to go in on any of it, anymore. There is so little light in this world, so little good, and we don't see enough of it. So I will tell you of a little good.

The Not-So-Ex's uncle and aunt recently celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. It is amazing that, in this day and age, there are people still committed to the long haul. I don't think we have enough of it around.

So, everyone, I'm signing off, asking you to shine a little light, in whichever way you can, the simplest thing you do could mean the world to someone else. And, maybe, on another day, I will go into some more of the ills of our society, today I just do not have the energy and my happy light might be extinguished.

And tonight, I will try NOT to be one of the road users with rage.

Birthdays! Again!

I am 33. Somehow, the double digit freaks me out this year. Not sure why.

Anyway, so the birthday. It was fabulous!

There is something so awesome about being led into a place with your eyes closed, only to open them and the best family members and friends break into Happy Birthday! In the SPUR!!! A kiddies party! I cannot remember the last time in my life I was as embarassed as I was when the waiters came to sing happy birthday. I didn't even count how many they were.

The only disappointment of the evening were the potato faces in my kiddies' meal. I LOVE potatoes, but these, seriously, tasted like play dough - not nice at all. But cute. At least the not-so-ex ordered me a steak as well, but the viennas in the kiddies' meal were yummy. Those potatoes, though... I think parents should try the food on the kiddies' menu BEFORE they order it for their children.

Hillarity ensued as the helium balloons were opened. The not-so-ex's rendition of Alicia Keys' Falling in and out of love being the highlight. And serenading me with Happy Birthday once more! Laughed my butt off!

And then we proceeded to what Dearest Friend calls the Meat Market. To dance our tootsies off. Thankfully the 80's tunes (which the not-so-ex and The Beautiful Em of the Gems thoroughly enjoyed), didn't play ALL night, although I was quite irritated that I missed out dancing to Aerosmith's Pink while spending 25 minutes at the bar, trying to get a beer. This DESPITE the huge Its My Birthday badge on my chest!

So, at 1:30 CindeEsther returned home, but couldn've partied soooooo much harder! Will have to make up for that next time and get a taxi home.

Breakfast on Sunday morning was spent with The Housemate and Mr Driver at Nitida's Tables. I had the loveliest New Yorker sarmie - that's the photo. Couldn't even finish it. The rest of the day was spent in the lounge, on the mattress, under blankies, watching funny movies.

All in all, not the hardest partying birthday ever, but had a fabulous time without the hangover!

And now... back to life (read stupid f*ck w*nk). I shouldn't technically even be blogging. Just slog away at the RPL. G*d, I hate it!

And Monster - add to your list:  Incessant advertisements on life cover, one after the other, only to be separated by ads on your digestive system. Last night, seriously, there were 4 Dettol ads in a row!!!

Birthdays!

So... yes, it HAS been a while... Again... as always, we apologise for the lack of blogging, but life... it is hectic at the moment. And I'm still deciding whether I'm moaning about it or not. :)

Anyway, so we shall report on June thus far...

I missed The Monster's birthday and (separate subsequent party) this year. The honeymoon, I think it has eaten my social life.

Tarty was nice enough to take me out to a lunch (at which she was subjected - once again - to talk of the not-so-ex) Sorry, Tarty, I promise, really, really soon, that the incessant drivel about how happy I am will stop.

On top of the honeymoon continuum, I have enrolled in the lovely (stupid f*ck w*ank) to use the Monster's phrase, RPL process for estate agents. There's the next three months' worth of weekends... down the toilet. Loving it...

At least the 3 day classroom we attended was great! The agent really made me actually want to do this again. Its been three weeks, I think I need to go see her again. Fantastic motivational person! And the lunches... oh, the lunches... but then, we are paying in excess of R5000.00 for this (stupid f*ck w*ank) lovely course, so... yeah, you better give me a good lunch.

The next event to report, was the birthday of the not-so-ex. My finances this month being what it was (shhhh... we're not talking about it), the birthday present was too lame to mention here. Although there was a new robe involved. And no, NOT the Emperor's kind.

Due to the wonderful Cape Coupon book my brave assistant gets every month, the not-so-ex was treated to a dinner at the fabulous Simon's at Groot Constantia. Dinner was divine, and his immortalised comment "That was the best pork dish I've eaten in my life" (this from a complete porkaholic), was classic. So was the wine, at R195.00 per bottle. Thank Goddess the coupon was for one main meal. (And the not-so-ex paid 1 bottle of wine) But the food was spectacular, we were right next to the fire place (only three other tables with occupants) and it was toasty inside.

The weekend that ensued was spent in Barrydale, courtesy of The Neighbour's parents, with the Gems. On the road trip we stopped at Viljoensdrift for a picnic that included Choppy Choppy (which I adore!!!) and LOADS of cheese. Life is so good. Upon arrival at the Thrasher's, The Neighbour's mom had made a wonderful pasta dish, and home made APPLE PIE!!! I don't WANT to know the amount of calories consumed.  Speaking of which, I think its time to start the dreaded "watching what I eat". I'd rather NOT wake up in September and realise its gonna have to be a starvation diet from thereon in...

But I digress, the rest of the weekend was spent talking, smoking, singing (Patsy Kline - Crazy - at the top of my lungs and George Michael (Sorry Monster) along with the female member of the Gems), sleeping, drinking and eating at, among others, Ronnie's Sex shop, The Country Pumpkin, Clarke of the Karoo and others.  Great weekend away (and fabulous end to the not-so-ex's birthday week). That's right, he doesn't have a day... he has a WEEK.

Anyway, so, on the public holiday, I was in the office, doing research for the lovely (stupid f*ck w*ank) RPL course, and I also sacrificed last Saturday. And I'm behind... so behind...

But... I've closed two deals for the month, am hopeful to conclude another big one before the 30th and... Saturday is my birthday!!!

Well, first it is The Beautiful Em of the Gems' party on Friday night. I have given myself this weekend off. I will probably drink way too much for my own good on Friday night, then drive home (slowly) on Saturday morning for the Housemate to make me pretty for my surprise party! YAY! (Seriously, I'm like a kid about this). The Not-so-ex is organising, and I don't know what is happening, at all! Excited!!!

So, hope that's a long enough post for everyone. I will try and put an update on after the party. (Although, for now, my Sunday plans are couch and movies). I'm probably gonna feel my age!

Who you tryin' to get crazy with ese? Don't you know I'm loco?

Bwahahahahahaha!

Oh, and the picture DOES have something to do with the blog - it was scratched on a table in Ronnie's Sex Shop.

Jagermeister... enough said

I have been chastised recently for my lack of blogs.

I do apologise, but it is LOVELY to know how popular I am. Seriaas!

Sooo… I guess this is where I go into my excuses?

 I have been working my butt off the last month, sacrificing public holidays and lying in on Saturday mornings, trying to let one of my houses. Needless to say, a lot of it was wasting time. Take election day. I went to make my mark early, and thus sat at the property from 14:00 until 17:00, for 4 prospective tenants who were interested in viewing it. One had the audacity to tell me over the phone that I should sit in the morning, as he wanted to go have lunch in Franschoek that day! I politely told him, no. And then, of the four tenants who desperately wanted to view it, ONE pitches up, at 16:45. I have still not closed the deal on this fricking house.  And, despite working my butt off, I am earning less than my basic outgoings this month – JOY!

Other than that, the honeymoon is NOT quite over *gush* and I have enjoyed spending time with the not-so-ex. So much so, that I don’t stop talking about him. I landed myself in trouble with this on Saturday night. The male half of The Coolest Flatmates Ever had a birthday party. It was supposed to be an early night. Tequila Tart and the female half of The Coolest Flatmates Ever decided I had to forfeit every time I mention the-not-so-ex’s name, and stoopidly, I accepted the challenge.

And had five Jagermeisters in the space of an hour. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad idea!

The not-so-ex rocked up (he was my lift home, thank the gods) and literally 30 minutes later I was whispering in his ear “I have to go lie down for a bit”.  “Lying down for a bit” turned out to be 5 minutes, before I had to dash to the bathroom. I was then kicked out of the bathroom by Dearest Friend, and whispered a new line in the-not-so-ex’s ear. “I don’t feel well”. Like the chivalrous gentleman that he is, he pronounced to a few partakers that he is taking me home. For some reason, that still makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. The only part of the trip home I remember, is sitting in the corner of the lift leaving their flat.

Once home, I spent some quality time getting re-acquainted with the toilet (we hadn’t seen each other in a while).

Waking up Sunday morning was NOT fun. The worst headache in remembrance and still feeling decidedly ill. And the plan for the day was lunch with the-not-so-ex’s family.  Luckily, by the time lunch came around, I was feeling so much better that I actually had two glasses of red wine. Again… Some of us never learn.  Sunday night was a very early night – in bed around 8 and slept like a log.

And then, last night, I could have drank all night, I reached tipsy, and didn’t waiver from that path, and I’m pretty sure Dearest Friend and I sat up until after 12, having a lengthy discussion on religion, and I’m not tired AT ALL today. Now, why can’t THAT be my default? Being the wino that I am?

Suppose I’m getting old. Meh, that's ok, too. I'll leave the late nights to The Monster and Tequila Tart...

Conquering the fear

Its been a while. I know. Good things are scarce and all that...

So........ a lot has changed since the last post. Lists... indeed.

I seem to need a list again. The not-so-ex is back. And its fabulous.

This is not to say that I've thrown all caution to the wind.

Quite the contrary.

For the first time in my life I reckon I'm being rational.

There is a quiet sense of comfort in not expecting EVERYTHING to work out as you plan, and to know that, come what may, you will land on your feet. (As much as I love dogs, I have to give cats credit for that!) Or as near to as doesn't make a difference.

There is no anxiety, just a deliciously languid feeling of "rightness" (for lack of a better word). Everything is (again) as it should be. Maybe that is because we know each other so well, or because we our old routine is so familiar.

But we grow as people, we keep evolving. What we want today, is not necessarily what we will want next year. And as long as we're honest with ourselves and everyone in our lives about that, I reckon anything can work out as you want it to. You might not get what you want in the end, but honesty has become much more important to me in the last year. Don't make promises you cannot guarantee you will keep - you might change your mind next week. Its possible, and not necessarily a bad thing. It just is.

There are no fairytale endings. Right now I feel like I'm in the middle of a fairtytale, and I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and it will all have been a dream. But I've been dreaming for a month now, and the dream is still good.
So, if you're not expecting the "Happily Ever After" bit, there's no pressure. That's not to say you can let everything slide and not make an effort. By no means. When you have known each other this long, there is considerable effort necessary. But this, also, does NOT have to feel like a chore.

Anyway, in hindsight, I needed 2010 so much. I needed to be on my knees, begging the universe, the Gods, my higher self, whatever you choose to call it, to make it feel better. It took a looooooooooooooooooong time, but it DID get better. Everything got better.

And the simple reason for that is, that I had to accept myself. With all my flaws. And when you make peace with yourself, everything becomes easier. Needless to say, there are still the crap days, and the days when nothing goes according to plan, the days when all you want to do is send your boss and e-mail saying, "Screw this, I'm done." But I have realised that I am a fighter. Regardless of the storm I find myself in, I eventually do find the silver lining, and a night of crying myself to sleep clears the cobwebs in my brain, and gives me renewed energy for the next day. And in the morning I put on my war paint, and tackle the bloody admin again.

This sounds so soppy. Scary part is, I always knew it, but now I live it.

So... fairytale endings. They might be in the cards, they might not.

But I will not miss out on this part of the experience because of fear.

"The fear can stop you loving, love can stop your fear"

Lists... or the lack of them

I am Afrikaans. And normally proudly so, until the Afrikaans music cd's get advertised on Television...

Without it having been said or bashed into my skull, the accepted road my life would take was:
1. Finish school.
2. Find a job (ANY job will suffice).
3. Find a man.
4. Make sure the Man wants to marry you.
5. Marry the Man.
6. Produce at least two heirs (try for one of each gender for balance).
7. Die.

Nowhere in all of this is there accommodation for an alternate. This is the touchstone to a happy life. If you can bag a rich man, so much the better. Growing up, the ultimate catch was a doctor.
It is fascinating that none of my high school Facebook friends are single. All Afrikaans.
They are married, apparently happy and have the 2 kids (and mostly only post photos of offspring on said social network).

And then there is me and how I turned out.
I have to wonder what half of them think when reading my status updates and seeing my photos.

Does it look like I'm living a fabulous life?
Or is the consensus, Poor Rose Thorn, still hasn't found someone who wants to marry her.

Which leads me to the question of "happy ever after". I used to believe in it. Religiously.

Now?

Now I'm not so sure.

There is a part of me that still wants to meet The One, but that desire is so far in the recesses of my mind that I have only 3 or 4 non-negotiable items on the list.

For the first time, I really, truly am happy being on my own. I cannot even tell you why. And that is SO alien to me that I have to wonder who this creature is staring at me from the mirror. I know her, but I don't know her, and right now, I'm having fun just getting TO know her.

I cannot imagine having anyone in my life right now, with my work and social schedule being as hectic as they are. And that might last for a loooooooong time to come. It really doesn't matter.

Sure, I miss cuddling and canoodling and snogging and shagging as much as the next person, but its all just a bit... meh. Whatever. The desire comes and goes. And normally when the desire arrives, there's no-one available in sight. And when someone available is in sight... well, then it just seems like a chore.

So, if any of those married, Afrikaans Facebook friends are feeling sorry for me... please don't!

I am happy, having an awesome time doing what I want with whom I want at the drop of a hat, getting drunk and embarrassing myself on a regular basis, worrying about finances holding out till the next social event, laughing my ass off at the antics of the most awesome friends and finding out EXACTLY who I am and what I want. 

I cannot think of a better way to spend the year of the White Metal Rabbit... er... Mosquito... (yes, the war is raging still...)

Year of the White Metal Rabbit, er... mosquito

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